The last interview for the year is with Steve (not his real name, duh!), a tall, handsome man, who is a senior executive for an American corporation. Steve is a devoted husband, loved father…and totally enamoured with Small Penis Humiliation (SPH).
SPH is an interest (even in the highly open BDSM community), that is not well known, nor understood, particularly given the world-wide mantra in relation to the male penis of ‘big is good’…if not better.
Q: While professional dominatrixes would be familiar with the concept of SPH, the average person probably has no idea what it means, let alone that there are men who find it quite erotic. Can you give us a quick overview of what it is all about and some of the ways that it is enacted ?
A: Well, in brief, it can be loosely defined as a man who gains sexual arousal when his wife or girlfriend makes derogatory comments about the size of his penis (length and/or girth) and his inability to satisfy his woman sexually. I should begin by saying I believe the term small penis humiliation is actually a bit of a misnomer, because I think there is a distinction between SPH and what I prefer to call small penis teasing/sexual honesty. Like all fetishes there are healthy and less healthy versions. I think SPH has a negative connotation to it because many people assume that everything connected to it is emasculating and degrading to a man. For example, on the more extreme side of SPH some examples might include: a woman “forcing” her husband to wear panties, denying him orgasms, having him wear a cock cage, denying him sex, or parading him around nude in front of her girlfriends who mock and ridicule his small penis size. Though some couples are undoubtedly interested these extremes, most of the men and women I have spoken to on the subject are into more mild forms of SPH, or more appropriately small penis teasing/sexual honesty.
The more mild forms of small penis humiliation would include: a woman reminding her husband frequently that he has a small or little penis, and comparing her husband’s penis with that of her former lovers and boyfriends. One woman told me, “My husband loves SPH, but I didn’t understand why. To be honest, it kind of excites me too. I bought a dildo the size of my former lover, who had a very big cock. I compared it to my husband’s small erection and he became very excited.” Hinting at, or openly stating a preference for well-endowed men will certainly get his attention – especially if a woman hasn’t stated that previously. Also, describing in detail the benefits and advantages a man with a larger penis can offer and asking the husband how he plans to compensate for having a small penis can also be exciting for many men.
These are just a few examples of the more mild forms of small penis humiliation that many couples enjoy. I also write a blog for men with small penises, and we discuss a wide range of topics, and I must say the topic of small penis humiliation is the most viewed page on it.
Women have also written in and provided a very creative list of examples of small penis humiliation they give to their husbands. So, however you want to define it, small penis humiliation is something many of us lesser endowed men really enjoy and crave. It might be taboo for a woman to give her man SPH, and it might not even be politically correct, but if it excites him, there is nothing wrong with a woman giving her husband what he needs. It really all boils down to having good communication and sexual honesty in your relationship. Each couple should definite what SPH means to them.
Q: You are in your early fifties; when did you start to make some connections between feeling erotic and the knowledge that your penis is considered small by Western standards; and given the world’s preoccupation with bigger being better, was there any stage in your life where your penis size affected how your felt about yourself as a man?
A: It was actually a long process. From my own personal experiences it evolved over time and came in three phases – embarrassment, anger. acceptance and then arousal. For me, it began in locker rooms and showers at an early age with an internal acknowledgement that I didn’t quite measure up. Initially, I hoped that the disparity would close, but it never did. My first experience with SPH happened in this stage with occasional reminders from other guys that I didn’t measure up. At this stage there was a persistent feeling of embarrassment about being small. The next stage involved sexual relationships with women. Even though height and body build have little to do with penis size, because I was tall and otherwise well built, I think women assumed I would have a big or at least an average sized penis. More often than not women would openly express their disappointment over the size of my penis and my inability to satisfy them sexually. This lead to more SPH and at this stage I remember feeling angry for being “short-changed.” Unfortunately, this is a stage that some small endowed men never get out of, and they will regrettably feel anger and resentment their whole lives.
Finally, I eventually came to accept the fact that I was small, but something strange began to happen at the same time. I began to have very erotic thoughts and fantasies about it. So I decided to do something that was a little embarrassing for me – I went and saw a really good female therapist. I gave her an overview of the situation, and the way she explained it to me was I was eroticizing what had always been a very negative feeling for me. From that moment on, I have openly craved small penis humiliation and no longer felt guilty about it.
Q: Do you think the idea of having their manhood mocked is something that can be enjoyed by men even if they are not technically less endowed than average?
A: Surprisingly, yes! I have actually talked to a lot of men who would fall into the average or above average size range who lso find SPH very exciting. I think one of the reasons for this is that many men are very turned on by the idea of their wife having sex with another guy (even if they won’t admit it to her), and often their fantasy involves a man who is more well-endowed. I think it’s also appealing and exciting because of the taboo nature of it: the “proper” wife isn’t supposed to desire a man who has a larger penis than her husband. The fact that she does or is even intrigued by the idea can be very exciting to a man. Most women don’t even realize this!
Q: How do you incorporate SP fun into your relationship?
A: Well, I should say at the outset that unlike some wives who are engaged in these activities, my wife is very content with me sexually and is also very orgasmic, so my small penis size was never that big of an issue for her – but she is also very open and will try almost anything. So, even though it was very embarrassing for me to admit that I craved SPH, she was willing to explore it and receptive to the idea. She has been very creative in giving it to me (using many of the ideas provided earlier as well as others) and I find it stimulating and exciting. We have also begun using dildos in our lovemaking. We actually have two dildos, and both are made of cyberskin, are very realistic looking and also vibrate, which my wife really enjoys. And of course, they are much larger than I am which is visually very exciting. We have even named them “Eddie & Johnny” after two well-endowed actors we have seen in X-rated videos. We have a lot of fun with it!
Q: What type of SPH activity (in thought or practice) do find the most erotic?
A: Well, practically any form of SPH (except the extreme mentioned previously) is a major turn on for me. Probably the most erotic and exiting activity to me is the connection with cuckolding. One time I mentioned to my wife that I had read some excerpts of a book online about cuckolding that had really excited me. I asked her if she knew what cuckolding was and to my surprise she did. Well, I began sharing with her some excerpts from the book (From Housewife to Cuckoldress by Alex Hathaway). It’s about a couple who are in a hot tub with another couple, and when the housewife sees the “life altering cock” of the other man, she can think of little else but having him, since her own husband is very small endowed. Anyway, before I had finished sharing the excerpts with her, she had downloaded it! She was ok with me being very turned on by it. Later, we read Sage Vivant’s Book, Your Erotic Personality, which essentially is a series of questions designed to determine your erotic personality, and she was not surprised (nor was I) that my erotic personality is that of a cuckold.
Although she is not ready to jump into the cuckolding lifestyle, we do enjoy it as a fantasy, as many couples do. I remember one time when she was getting ready to go on a weekend away with her girlfriends, I said, “Now be sure not to tell your girlfriends about all of these things we talked about, ok?” She looked at me with a straight face, and said, “Oh? You mean you don’t want me to tell them that you’re a cuckold?” I was so surprised yet excited at the same time!
Q: Do you think that men who are smaller than average need /or should use, sexual positions that do more for their lovers, or does that defeat the purpose: i.e. knowing you cannot provide the length or girth that gets you hot and bothered as a opposed to feeling bad about yourself?
A: I think the most important thing for a couple when it comes to having a great sex life is having open and honest sexual communication. In our situation, I was pleasantly surprised when my wife openly acknowledged that some sexual positions don’t work well for us because of my small size. She didn’t realize that even that subtle comment was a form of small penis humiliation. So, we have rounded up several “small penis sex positions” that we rely on instead of the more traditional sex positions. (These positions are listed on my blog). For me, just knowing I don’t have the length/girth for some positions is humiliating – yet very exciting. Likewise, knowing we need to use small penis sex positions for her to be satisfied is also humiliating but erotic at the same time.
Q: Do you think there are any links to men who enjoy being mocked for having a small penis being more open to being in a cuckolding relationship?
A: Personally yes, I believe there is a direct correlation. Yet, others will say that cuckolding is more of a state of mind than a penis measurement and I believe there is some credence to that statement as well. To be sure, there are cuckolds who have penis sizes that run the gambit. But, I also believe that cuckolding is very natural for small endowed men. In talking to other lesser endowed men, they overwhelmingly crave both small penis humiliation and cuckolding. I think there is a direct correlation between them. In talking to other lessor endowed men, they even use the same word to describe it – it seems very “natural” to them. I think there definitely needs to be more study about the connection.
Q: Do you think there are any advantages to women in providing their husbands with SPH?
A: I do indeed, and if those advantages were more widely known, I think there would be much more of it. Men like to compete for their women. Unfortunately, when a couple has been married for a long time the thrill of the chase and competing for their wives has disappeared for a man. He has conquered his adversaries and won the prize, so he no longer feels the need to compete for her. Thus, their sex lives often become predictable and stagnant. It becomes more maintenance or routine sex instead of exciting sex. But once a woman acknowledges her husbands “shortcomings,” things can change quickly and for the better. Now, all of a sudden, the husband feels like he is at a competitive disadvantage and will instinctively try to compensate for it. Even if a woman who is married to a small endowed man and is perfectly content with his smaller size SPH can still work perfectly. The more frequently a woman reminds her husband that he doesn’t quite measure up, the more in tune with his wife he becomes. The implication for the man is, his wife is settling for less when she could be enjoying someone who is bigger and maybe even better in bed than he is. Many women have told me that engaging in SPH has given them a power in the relationship they never had before and they have found they like it. Their husbands begin paying them more attention, and are more willing to do things their wives want to do. They also begin treating her like a “Hot Wife” and are more singularly focused on her and her needs. One woman told me, “Had I known our relationship would improve this much, I would have begun doing this a lot sooner!”
Q: What does Steve the guy next door like to do to relax?
A: Well, it depends. First, and related to this topic, since my wife and I have a really good relationship, we regularly have “date nights” that usually involve going out to dinner, sharing a bottle of wine, and then we come back home, have another bottle of wine and engage in some steamy sex topic followed by incredible sex. It’s both fun and exciting! On a more personal basis, I enjoy exercising which might include running, walking, hiking, etc. It’s therapeutic and relaxing. I also enjoy studying world history, staying abreast of current events and of course, spending time with my family.
Q: What would you do if you had a weekend to spend as you wish, no holds barred, no explanation, no consequences?
A: Hmmm, another very good question! The way the question is phrased, you know I’m thinking about sex right? Well, I would love to be involved in a threesome with my wife. It could be MMF, or even FFM. My ultimate fantasy would be to watch my wife having sex with an attractive, alpha male who was extremely well-endowed with incredible stamina and gave her an “other worldly” sexual experience! No holds barred, no consequences!
Steve’s blog can be found here, http://lovesmallpenis.wordpress.com/ for those that would like some more information on all things SPH. I have to say, he makes a lot of sense in speaking of a name change for this activity to small penis teasing, as the term humiliation is so strong – but of course that is precisely what makes it so attractive to some!
And on a personal note, it was really lovely to read what a strong and loving relationship Steve is lucky enough to share with his wife, hats off to you my friend!